Parents worsen rocky marriages

Parents worsen rocky marriages

BY HASSAN M. KAMAL

MUMBAI

http://www.dc-epaper.com/DC/DCB/2008/12/23/ArticleHtmls/23_12_2008_110_004.shtml?Mode=1

 

“Unwanted advice of parents should be avoided while tackling crisis situations in a relationship”

A report published by a Florida-based marriage counsellor said parents may invariably accelerate the break up process if a marriage is on the rocks. “Unwanted advice of parents should be avoided while tackling crisis situations in a relationship. The couples ought to be independent to make their own decisions,” it said.

Dr Rajan Bhonsle, a Mumbaibased marriage counsellor says, “Parents are very possessive about their children. Somehow, they become jealous of the new person in their children’s life. They don’t want to give away their children even after marriage and keep pouring in advice — which very often is one of the major causes of a marriage break up.” He feels the situation can become more vulnerable in the initial stage of a marriage, as there is a lack of understanding already, and parents’ biased advice just adds to it. This becomes an even bigger problem when the other partner is not liked by the parents.

However, Dr Jyoti Sangle, visiting psychiatrist at Hiranandani Hospital says, “A marriage is made between two mature individuals. They need to be responsible, and so you can’t solely blame parental advice for a split.” She says that parents always have a soft corner for their child, and so they often fail to analyse the situation rationally. It is also because there are so many personal and social emotions attached.

“Importantly, if a marriage is under stress, parents need to be informed about it. But always seek advice from professionals — someone who can look at the situation objectively, like marriage counsellors,” adds Dr Sangle.

Dr Bhonsle warns that as a mature individuals, couples must communicate with each other regularly and openly, as a lack of communication only adds to the problem. “Selfishness, ingratitude and lack of understanding are the hallmarks of an unhappy marriage,” he adds, “And in this case, it is vital that the couple be independent enough to take their decisions.” Dr Sangle adds, “When you see problems in your marriage, always seek professional help. But understanding, communication and respect is important to keep a marriage alive.”